I'm lost and stupid without you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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