I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
