my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
