She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
barbara walters just said penis...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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