His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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