Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
