she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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