he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
