wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
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I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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