Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize