whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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