dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
