When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
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Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dicks are not precious.
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I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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