i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The power of my boobs compel you
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
