Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
