when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
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his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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