Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
no you cant smoke seaweed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
