Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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