dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
