Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
