I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
