Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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