I'm going to jail i love you
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
