Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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