That's intense
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
