I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
