I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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