ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
