Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
