My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
