I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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