What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
