plz talk dirty to me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize