she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
