Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize