I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize