This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
