Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize