I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
