Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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