So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
