the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
