I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
