don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
