i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
