Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
