And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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