Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
me + whiskey = a bad person
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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