It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
