He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i came on her dog
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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