I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Let the clothes fall where they may.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
