Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
