i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My bed smells like the plague
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
