Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
