i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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