I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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