captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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